i think the moment i was disillusioned about life was when i was maybe 7 years old and realized the reason all my friends had become assholes was because boys aren’t allowed to have any physcial contact that isn’t fighting
my parents were hippie feminists so my brother and i could play clapping games and sleep in puppy piles and give each other weird hairdos, but all the ‘normal’ boys just up and stopped knowing how to touch anyone without hitting sometime between kindergarten and first grade
and my little kid mind briefly saw the vastness of life stretching out in front of all of us, and all the hugs everyone would need and not get, and for a moment i was just like
maybe life is not such a good idea after all
I grew up around a Russian ballet school. Let me tell you something about Russian men: They touch each other. Especially dancers, who are in my experience almost always super tactile people. They rough house like Americans, but they also hug each other, and sit on each other’s laps, and share blankets when it’s cold backstage.
So I grew up knowing full well that the whole Men Don’t Touch thing was puritanical bullshit.
What I was absolutely not prepared for, however, is the super intense effect it has on straight men’s romantic relationships.
Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.
I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact they’re allowed to have.
I know for certain that the framing of any and all platonic physical contact as un-manly has been directly responsible for a lot of sexual dysfunction (and then the attendant misery of trying to get that treated at the ripe old age of 22) with at least one of my exes. It’s a mess when you can’t get it up because you’re depressed and want to be held but you’ve been brainwashed into thinking what you actually want is sex because being held is for girls.
Amazing how the erectile dysfunction went completely away when he learned the difference between feeling horny and feeling cuddly. /sarcasm
“I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact they’re allowed to have.”
Omfg
No wonder the worst of them seem crazy… profound isolation does exactly that
When I taught in Japan, the boys were all super comfortable with each other. They’d sit on laps and hug and roughhouse and it wasn’t seen as bad ? Like it surprised me at first, but then you realize the problem is with so many men feeling that they have to prove… something? I dunno. I personally don’t like hugs or touches, but that is my own personal reasons and nothing of how I was brought up.
Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.
Things I never thought of…I couldn’t imagine if my husband were the only person I was allowed to touch. As I think on it, that extends to the kids, too. The dudes aren’t allowed to really even cuddle their own damned children or nieces and nephews.
Wow.
Also explains why western media romanticizes co-dependency in romantic relationships to such an insane degree.
Art reposters will never stop reposting just because the artists point out how much it negatively affects them. They don’t care about that they care about the positive response they get from YOU guys. Stop liking and following instagrams dedicated to mass art posting, I promise you even if it’s credited they aren’t asking permission first. Stop reblogging repost art. Stop turning a blind eye to the people destroying artists’ reach and credit.
once had friends mercilessly fail three attempts at making me a birthday cake before realizing they’d been using diatomaceous earth in lieu of flour the whole time
I gasped with greater intensity than I ever have in my life
In what backwards universe do neurotypicals equate autistic people saying “hey, don’t post videos / blogs showing your autistic kids in crisis situations they would find humiliating” means we’re trying to ignore any autistic person with extensive care needs?
DEAR NEUROTYPICALS, here it is in the plainest English I got:
We say “hey, don’t post those video” because the person in the video is a human being who deserves their privacy.
A disabled human is not a circus side show to be gawked at.
We never saw videos of Stephen Hawking with his wheelchair stuck on a ramp. We don’t know how he went to the bathroom or the routine for getting him dressed and groomed in the morning. We never saw him with food on his face or if a muscle spasm caused him to tip in a weird position in his wheelchair. His carers did everything to keep his private life private. Sometimes rumors and bits got out, but for the most part the public wasn’t privy to what went on in his house until years later.
Gee, how hard is that, to let a disabled person have their privacy? NOT THAT HARD.
Showing videos to the public that depict the autistic person in undignified / humiliating / crisis situations is not educational at all. It’s voyeuristic, exploitative and a destruction of their privacy.
I don’t even like it when parents post embarrassing videos of their able bodied / neurotypical children, but at least NTAB kids can say “mom, turn the camera off! Mom, take that video down!”
Someone who can’t speak or advocate for themselves that way can’t defend themselves against how they’re being portrayed to the public.
Autistic people don’t say “no videos like that” to people because we want the ugly side of autism to go away.
We want you to stop exploiting people who can’t defend themselves against that exploitation.
Here, let me break it down so even a child can understand.
Did the person in the video say you can share it on the internet?
If yes, go ahead and post it.
If no, only share it with a doctor if the behavior is a symptom of something and then delete it or keep it out of the public eye.
If it isn’t possible to get a yes or no from the person, DO NOT POST IT ONLINE!!!
Reading about abusive men and the way they think. Very unsettling and an incredible book so far. Here are my very professional notes.
what book is this?
This is from “Why Does He DO That” by Lundy Bancroft.
I’m so glad I’m seeing more and more Lundy Bancroft quotes on my dash because this book CHANGES THE LIVES OF ABUSE VICTIMS.
The programs run for rehabilitating abusive men through the courts? Bancroft DESIGNED THEM. His programs are replicated ALL OVER THE WORLD. He literally wrote THE book on abuser rehabilitation.
Can we talk about how it seems like the entirety of the book is online on PDF, this making it accessible to anyone with an internet connection?
That is how we stop abuse.
We enable everyone to know what it looks like, so that when it happens, they can shut it down.
Arm yrself with knowledge!
Changed my life, would reccomend.
Reblogging for the PDF link.
—BB
Always reblogging because this isn’t just a partner abuse thing, this is a common abuse tactic PERIOD: Parents, siblings, bosses, general assholes, etc…
